The Awakening of Todd Casil
by InvaderxJaden
Summary: Poor Todd has never truely been happy. That is, unil one swift blow to his father's chest changed everything. I mean EVERYTHING. All characters copyright JCV, not me
1. Growing Up

The Looming Truth

Todd Casil was the definition of growing up. So much of him had change now that he was 17. His hair was a mop cut at angles, barely revealing his face. His once saucer-like eyes were now small, dull, and covered in eyeliner. He was naturally thin, and oddly tall. A poet laureate and one of the town's most talented artists.

The biggest change of all was, he had no fear.

Todd was becoming more fearless as time went on. This change was result of his neighbor, Johnny C, leaving when Todd was only 14. Johnny was like a guardian to the boy. He looked up to Johnny, taking on almost everything the man, which Todd figured was now 24, did. When Johnny left, Todd looked around the man's house for the first time, and stumbled upon Johnny's paintings.

His teacher at the center for the arts is concerned. Todd laughs when recalling what the teacher said. "You're my best student, but I can't help but notice the content of your work. It's always abuse and death. Why?" Todd chuckled. At that moment, he was painting a portrait of a screaming woman nailed to the ceiling. If only his teacher knew where Todd was getting his ideas.

Todd was in his room, recovering from a new bruise his abusive parents had formed on his arm, and looking out the window. 'Two weeks he's been back, and not a visit,' Todd whined in his head. Johnny was always there when Todd's parents abused him. To be perfectly honest, the boy missed it. He looked at his latest canvas in his "Justice" series, and sighed, pulling out his storybook. Ever since he turned 9, he had been writing down the 'scary neighbor man's bedtime stories for inspiration. He even snuck into the house since Johnny got back from his trip, taking quick pictures of Nny torturing the new blood. These were his models for his work. Nny was his model.

Yet, that night, the 'heaven house' was dead silent. Biting his lip, Todd read an entry from his 10th year. A silent house meant something was wrong, but he didn't know what. So he read a story to take his mind off of Johnny. But it just wouldn't stay.

_Don't worry yourself, Todd. Johnny doesn't need you anymore, and you don't need him._

Todd bit his lip even more, looking over at his shelf. The tattered remains of his bear, Shmee, sat there, covered in dust. He never had the guts to throw the heap out.

"I do so need him. Where would my art be? Where would I be?" Todd sighed.

_Johnny hasn't done anything for you. You have done it all, Todd._

"If it weren't for him, I probably would have been killed in third grade!" Todd yelled, dropping hints to the bear about his hated parents, "So don't lie to me Shmee!"

_Squee, you are the one lying. Johnny means nothing._

"He means everything!" Todd shouted, sitting up and clenching his fists. He opened the window and poked his head outside. No screams. No sounds. 777 was silent. He sighed and dropped his head, returning to his former place.

_Give it up, Casil. He isn't coming again._

"You said he wouldn't even come home! You're always lying to me, Shmee. Something is going wrong over there," Todd sighed, looking at the shack, "I know it."

_Why do you care? I remember you used to fear him, avoid him._

Todd bit his lip, nervously.

Then there was a scream.

"SHUT THE HELL UP, MEAT! THIS IS IT! IT'S ALL OVER!!!!" Todd sat up straight. Shivers ran down his spine.

"Nny…. No!"

_Todd… SQUEE WHERE ARE YOU GOING?_

Todd ignored his bear and leapt out his window. He fell and bruised his knee, but it didn't phase him. He just kept running. Running. The world was still, and he was the only one. He was running….

He ran into the house and followed the resonating sound of Johnny's voice. But he panicked outside of the door. 'Pull yourself together. What are you doing?' his voice of reason asked. Without knowing that it was his heart that answered, Todd opened the door to see Johnny kneeling, his head on his knees, holding a gun to his temple.

"SQUEEEEE!!!" Todd screamed, releasing his first whine of terror in years.

Everything in the room stopped, creating an awkward position for the 17-year-old. The only sound that could be heard was unbearable screaming from the torture chambers in the lower levels. That was so normal, however, that Todd pays it no mind. 'He probably doesn't remember me,' Todd sighed, thinking to himself, 'I hope he does. I really do.' He wrung his hands, shivering, watching the man with the gun.

Johnny dropped the weapon at the sound of this squeal, and looked up. His eyes widened at the sight before him. He knew that voice from somewhere.

_Don't look. Keep going, Nny! It's almost over!_

"Squee?" Johnny questioned, grabbing towards the gun unsuccessfully. Todd's eyes swelled and overflowed with tears, praising the lord that Johnny knew.

"YOU DO REMEMBER! Oh, Nny, don't do this," Todd cried, "Don't die. Please." But Johnny took no notice of the words, just Reverend Meat's psycho glare and Squee's pleading face. He pounded his head to stop the noise. Such noise they make.

Todd kept insisting, so Johnny gave up, "Why, Squee? Give me a reason I shouldn't escape this hellhole I created?" Todd went silent, searching for the right words to say, but Nny gave him no time to really think this through. "You can't," Johnny sighed, "There is no reason. Don't even try."

Todd gasped at the sudden conclusion, and spurted, "People would miss you!"

"Who would miss a homicidal monster?" Nny mumbled.

"ARE YOU BLIND? I WOULD!" Todd yelled, "That art you see me selling? It's of things _you_ have done! I wait. Every night my father beats me to a pulp, but I wait for you to show up and make things better for me. I've learned your lessons. I've bided time while you were gone. I wait! I STILL WAIT!" Todd snatched up a knife sticking out of the wall, "Fook, Nny! Flying fook! Don't you see?!? Don't you hear?!?" Todd drew the knife a centimeter from his chest, "IF YOU GO, I GO TOO!!!!!"

"Squee…."

"IM SERIOUS, NNY!" Todd wept.

He dropped the knife and fell to his knees, sobbing, "I would miss you. Me.. I.. I-I….miss…you…" Todd looked up at Johnny with his tear-glazed eyes. This man before him was all he had left. Now that his father….

Todd shuddered. He was becoming Johnny.

He inched towards the man, slowly, "Johnny, my father… I couldn't take it anymore…" Johnny understood where this was going. He reached for the boy's shaking hands and inspected them. They were spotted with blood. 3 hours old.

He was speechless, but his eyes asked all the questions.

"I don't know why I did it. I missed you being there for me. You were the reason, I suppose," Todd mumbled. As Johnny went to pull his hands away, Todd tightened his grip. "You're the best friend I ever had."

_Immortalize the moment, Nny. Now's your chance._

Johnny looked at his hands, tight in Todd's grasp, "I'll never hurt you, Squee."

Todd began to cry again. 'So much for men don't cry,' he thought, slowly bowing his shaking head down onto Nny's shoulder. Johnny flinched, but he calmly sat there.

An hour later, Todd was painting on his easel again. A man with blackish-navy hair donned the canvas, kneeing in a pool of red liquid, holding a gun to his temple. His eyes were full of pain and misunderstanding. Todd smiled lovingly at this portrait.

_Why did you save him, Todd?_

Todd ignored him, and put the finishing stroke on the new work of art, humming merrily. Shmee picked up on his companion's glee and began to pull at it.

_Why, Todd? Do you love him? Was the' scared little boy' all an act for attention?_

"SHUT UP, Shmee!" Todd yelled, throwing his pocketknife at the bear, "Leave me alone!" No noise came from the bear after that point, and Todd smiled.

But the peace was disturbed once again….


	2. The Painting

Melanie and I don't own Johnny and Squee- even though we OC them sorta. We wish we did, BUT we are not the almighty Jhonen Vasquez, now, are we? Gar.

The Looming Truth: Chapter 2

Todd jumped back from his spot, falling down backwards on his bed, as his door flung open violently. The knob sunk deep into the drywall, almost clearing back into the hallway. Mrs. Casil stood in the door, and for once, you could tell her emotions.

Pure, nougat filled rage.

"What the hell are you doing in my room?" Todd yelled, fumbling to sit up.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU WHINEY LITTLE BITCH!" she screamed, tossing her arm across her chest, slowly marching into the room, and over to where her son sat, propped against two pillows.

Todd raised an eyebrow, "Excuse you?" He watched as the woman scanned the room, obviously looking to fuel her fire. She found the perfect outlet.

Her red gaze fell upon her son's new creation, not even paying any mind to the boy on the bed. A man with a gun to his head. How pleasing. "What the hell is this shit? Is this what made you this way? What the shit is wrong with you?!?"

Todd Casil, the poor demented soul, sat, rather speechless, as his mother split the canvas in two over her knee. Just watching this ate away at what left he had of a soul. "Mom. No. WAIT!" he cried out, "Mom, let me talk, damn it!" This was the first time he had addressed her as 'mom' in ten years. This truly destroyed him.

"Save it. I can't take any more of your shit. I'm out," she growled, stumbling out.

Todd sat down, slowly lowering his head to his knees. 'What happened here', he thought, looking at his hands, and then slowly towards the broken canvas, 'tell me this is all a nightmare. Wake up, Squee. Wake up!!!' No sounds from Shmee. Odd. The room fell completely silent. Nothing was going to change, he could feel it. This was real.

Todd felt something in his soul snap. This was it. This is where it ends.

He got up on weak legs, stumbling to his sock drawer. He flung pair after pair from the warm chestnut dresser until he found it. His 8th birthday gift from Johnny C. A very sharp, moon curve knife with a switchback handle. It had never been used, and gleamed in the evening sunset. This was it. It ended here, and now.

"Squeegee? What are you doing?"

The ice cold room around him began to feel a little. Todd stopped in his tracks, and turned around to see Johnny perched in the window. Johnny looked disappointed deep inside his eyes. "Squee, you aren't going to…" Johnny climbed down from the sill and walked to where Todd stood. Todd was frozen there for the past few minutes, only moving to breathe and blink. Johnny steered his neighbor to the teen's bed and sat him down. "Squee, you have to listen to me. I've made so many mistakes. I lost my mind, my emotions. You can't become me. You just can't," Johnny sighed.

"What if I already have?" Todd still snarled, still snapped into kill mode.

"Todd, listen," Johnny sighed. This was the first time he had ever, ever called Todd by his true name, "If I could do this again, I wouldn't have chosen this path. I would have been a better child. My parents wouldn't have divorced. You could have had a better life, too. I wouldn't have warped your mind so much. I'd give anything."

With that, Todd felt like himself again.

"So… you really do care?" Todd asked, "You… you were gone for so long, Johnny. What was it like?"

"You don't want to know, kid. Hell is not the place you want to end up in, so don't try," Johnny snickered under his breath, "Trust me."

"How did you pass the time? The way you talk about it… it sounds so dreary and boring," Todd smiled, perched on his bed, intrigued by his neighbor's speech.

"I thought. Of things. Like…." He racked his mind, "What the next Happy Noodle Boy comic would be about. New brainfreezy flavors. Fun things like that."

"Did you miss anyone? Devi? Tessa?...me?" Todd asked, trailing off at the end to hide how bashful he was to ask about that type of thing.

"To be completely honest, no," Johnny sighed, thinking back.

"No…one?" Todd squealed, a bit confused. He began to breathe deeply, thinking to himself, 'He didn't miss me? Shmee was right. He was right. But it can't be! He has to be lying! He came back! He came back! I…I… don't believe it! He can't mean it!' He began to hyperventilate, clutching his chest.

"Squee? Squee, are you okay?" Johnny asked, watching the boy, who looked like he was about to cry. Johnny watched as the boy fell back a bit, and then his eyes rolled back. The last thing that Todd saw was Johnny hovering over him.

The last thing Todd heard was, "Is it something I said?"


	3. Enlighten Me

Melanie and I don't own Johnny and Squee- even though we OC them sorta. We wish we did, BUT we are not the almighty Jhonen Vasquez, now, are we? Gar.

The Looming Truth: Chapter 3

When Todd got up in the morning, he felt rather, misplaced. He rolled onto his side and, to his surprise, down on the floor lay Johnny, reading through a rather large stack of Wobbly Headed Bob comics. 'Nny never sleeps,' Todd laughed, leaning over his bedside. "Morning, Nny," Todd yawned.

"Morning," Nny mumbled, engrossed in the comic he was reading.

Todd rolled over on his back, "Can I ask you a question, J?" Nny mumbled a barely audible approval, and Todd stretched a bit, "Why are you still here?" Todd felt comfortable, for some reason, and unbeknownst to him, Johnny could tell.

'Too complicated. Give him a simple answer, Nny,' Johnny thought, perching himself on his elbows so he could see who had asked him the question.

"Had to make sure that devil mother of yours didn't kill you in your sleep. Plus, Meat was driving me nuts and I needed a place to crash away from him," Johnny sighed.

Todd laughed as he looked at the man's face, eyes rolling at the lame statement. "You're lying, Nny.." Todd toyed, "Tell me the truth…" He laughed, as Johnny's face turned red for being found out. It was nice spending this time with Johnny. It made the homicidal man look…human. It made Todd realize how awesome the man was.

'He's onto you, Nny. Don't crack. You can't have emotion like this… ' Johnny thought. He twitched and corrected his thought, 'You're sounding like Meat! What would mom do in this situation? She never lied to me… But, what would she do? I have no idea!' Johnny was now going into convulsions over his thoughts.

"Johnny, you okay?" Todd asked, sliding off his bed and onto the floor beside his friend. Johnny stopped his thinking to look at his neighbor. Why did he care?

'But he DOES care, Nny. Unlike everyone in the world. He's special, you know it.' 'Immortalize the moment, Nny!' 'No! NEVER! Squee is too special!' Johnny's mind was torn into pieces. He began flailing at the war inside his mind. It was a sad sight.

Todd was hurt at the sight of his friend like this. It really had touched something inside of him. Something that he never knew existed until right now. He reached a steady hand onto his neighbor's shoulder to try and stop the shaking. The gentle touch shocked Johnny, who stopped his shaking and all his thoughts. Everything once in his head stopped, and he looked at the boy. One thought crossed his mind.

_He really cares, Johnny. Tell him the truth._

Johnny sighed, looking into Todd's green eyes. "Todd, I stayed here because I didn't want to see you hurt. When you passed out, I felt I had done something wrong. I'm sorry." Todd was taken aback by this sudden display that his neighbor was making.

But, once again, anything good came at a cost. Mrs. Casil walked into Todd's room again. He stood in the doorway, and saw the two men on the floor.

"What the hell is going on here? Who the fuck is that? Is this the man you painted last night? Why in God's name is he in your room?" She screamed, pointing, disgusted, at Johnny. Todd cowered, afraid that his mom would hurt Johnny in some way.

Johnny instead swung around and held Mrs. Casil up against the bedroom wall. "I suggest you take a nicer tone around your son. As for the way you've treated him in the past, I have just payment for that." He slid a hand into his pocket of his trench and pulled out a long blade, swiftly chopping off the woman's hand. Mrs. Casil let out a scream.

"You little asshole!" she screamed.

"JOHNNY, END IT NOW!!!" Todd yelled, excited, but at the same time, annoyed by the horrid noise his mother made while losing such amounts of blood. With a swift move of his wrist, the woman's screaming ceased. It was finally over.

Johnny looked over at Todd, who was beaming on the floor, where he had been before this all happened. "I'm sorry you had to see that."

"Thank you," Todd gasped.

"What?" Johnny squealed, surprised by the reaction.

"Thank you," Todd smiled, getting up to walk to his hero, "For doing something so nice for me!" He blushed a bit, and looked at the man's bloody hands, and then his confused, yet peaceful face. 'I l..love..you…Nny,' Todd thought, smiling.


	4. Daemon

Haunting You

Pepito was delighted to get mail.

He never got mail from anyone, nonetheless at his address in hell. Someone must have really cared. He sat down his guitar and took the paper from his father's servant, and opened it.

_Pepito- _

_I know you and your father have your hands full with my parents, but…_

I just renovated the house, finally, and I'm having a little get together with however many kids actually come after the invites come out. It's today, so this might seem sudden, but if I know right, you might be the only one to show up. I'll see you at 5? 

_-Squee_

It had only been a week since his mother's murder, and now Squee was throwing a party? Pepito scrunched his nose, 'Something's up.' A slinky grin graced his face, 'I know one thing for sure- this little daemon can't wait to cause trouble!'

Pepito arrived at the house a half hour early, barely able to contain his excitement to toy with his old friend. But when he entered the front door, his jaw hit the floor. "HOLY HELL!" he yelled, looking at the house. It was, in his opinion, heaven. Rot iron spiral staircase, black and red checked floor and antique furniture. Perfection.

"Now where can that brat be?" he laughed, looking around the room again. He heard music and decided to follow it, knowing that Todd would be at the other end.

_Please sleep my darling, sleep._

_Your cry for inspiration never reaches ears on distant stars._

Carefully, he went up the spiral staircase, trying not to make noise. Pepito stopped at the top landing. Should he go left or should he go right? This house was a maze.

_And every night our lonely planet slides along the universe_

_And I wont pretend I understand._

The sounds lead to an open door at the end of the hall, and Pepito could see Todd's back to him, clearly, upon a stool, painting on a canvas. There appeared to be many in the room. Full of gore and depression. This pleased Pepito's soul. He decided to sneak in, but Todd could sense he was there.

"Hi, Pepito," he mumbled, looking at his art, "You're early."

"What's gotten to you?" he asked, looking at the canvas, a recreation of Squee's favorite work, unfortunately split on the floor a week ago, "Wait? Is that Nny?"

Todd nodded, turning up the music, "My mom ruined the last one. Had to redo it, you know?" Todd smiled, and finally turned around. "What do you think?" Pepito stopped and listened to the music for a bit as he tried to come up with words.

_I'll fall asleep with the windows open._

_Come to me with the worst you've said and done._

_You'll close your eyes and see me._

_A little death makes life more meaningful._

_I stand no chance at all._

The cogs began to turn in the antichrist's head. "Sudden fasination for Nny, no?"

"What?" Todd gasped, turning around, turning down the music.

"You're gay, aren't you Todd," Pepito laughed, pointing at the art, and motioning to the lyrics. They weren't on for noise.

"I am not!" Todd lied, clenching his fists.

"Oh then you're a homophobe!"

"No, I'm not! I don't hate gay men! What they believe is okay by me."

"You're lying to me, Casil. You're gay for Johnny…" Pepito laughed.

"Who said it was Johnny," Todd fumbled, crossing his arms and fuming. Then he realized what he had said and rushed to cover his mouth, blushing like crazy.

"So you are gay," Pepito giggled, "Wait till I tell him…"

"You wouldn't!" Todd gasped, getting very emotionally stressed. Something like a trigger went off in the back of his head. This was not going to end well, he could tell.

"For a price, maybe…" Pepito giggled. Then he stopped laughing. Todd's eyes had gone completely dark. "Squee…" Pepito gasped. The teen before him fell off of his stool, and onto the ground, thrashing his left arm.

"Oh God! I forgot! You're epileptic!" Pepito panicked, dialing 911 on the phone.

Johnny was getting ready to go out for an evening murder when he heard sirens. He was afraid they were the police, so he jumped at the window. But it was an ambulance, which made him curious. It began to slow in front of his house, and Johnny gripped his nails tight on the windowsill.

The ambulance stopped in front of Squee's house. "Please no…" he sighed.


	5. Ambulance

None of the characters are copyright to me. ALL BELONG TO JCV!!!!

OH! And "Awakening" official art located on my dA- link in profile

Stay With Me

A knock resonated on Nny's door and he rushed to open it, trying not to show how he felt. It was Pepito. A sudden rush of heat came to his face as the anger swelled.

"You had something to do with this, didn't you? You goddamn antichrist!" Johnny yelled, pointing at the ambulance, "What did you do to Todd?!?!"

"Calm down, Nny," Pepito reassured, "I was joking around with Squee and his epilepsy triggered. I can't ride with him in the ambulance. I don't think a demon would be to welcome. You have to do it. I'll follow you in my car. Please, Nny, don't get pissed."

"Don't get pissed? Don't get pissed? What do you mean, don't get pissed?" Johnny screamed, "My neighbor s in mental and physical trauma, I have to ride in an ambulance, and the son of Satan is standing on my doorstep. How can I not be pissed?!"

"Nny. Please. He needs you," Pepito sighed. He then thought to himself, 'More than you'll ever know.'

Johnny grabbed his coat, "I'll deal with you later." He rushed over to the paramedic who was loading Todd into the ambulance. The guy looked up and immediately was afraid. He might have seen Johnny kill someone before, because his face turned dead pale. "Excuse me, this is my friend, and I'm responsible for him. His parents both died a week ago, and I have to ride with him in the back, okay?" Johnny explained, putting on his coat. He waited a few dead seconds for a response.

The man just nodded his head, "If you're his legal guardian then we permit it."

Johnny hopped into the back, where restraints were holding down the thrashing Todd. They were barely doing anything, since anyone with Epilepsy can throw off a 5000 lb paramedic, so Johnny did what he thought would help- try and talk to the boy. He has to hear all that's going on, maybe he'd settle a bit.

"Squee. Squeegee? Can you hear me? It's Nny. Holy shit you scared me!" Johnny sighed, "I saw the ambulance and I thought you killed yourself!"

Todd toned down his squirming, and a little light came back to his eyes, but he still was in seizure state. "N…N..Nny...?"

"Yes, Squee. It's me," Johnny said, pulling his coat tighter to fight the cold air coming through the a/c, "Don't worry. We'll get you some meds and everything will be fine." He had never been this nice before. Maybe this shock was good. Maybe things would get better for him as well. Johnny actually smiled at the thought.

Todd resumed his thrashing, since Johnny had stopped talking. It wasn't like he wanted to, he had no control. His mind was going a thousand places in a second, but one thought kept going through his mind, 'Johnny's here. Don't worry.'

"Todd, what exactly made you snap?" Johnny asked, wanting to get his neighbor's side of the story rather than trusting Senõr Diablo's son.

"I'd rather not say," Todd gasped, dialing down a notch.

"Damn it, Todd. We need to know. Everyone does, even the doctor," Johnny lied. He just wanted to have a reason to beat the shit out of Pepito for scaring him like this.

"Pepito was saying things that made me scared," Todd stuttered.

"Oh that stupid little bastard," Johnny mumbled, "Was he threatening you?"

Todd's thrashing died down even more, as if his fit was almost over. The light became a tad brighter in his eyes, "He knows my secret. He was going to tell… I don't want you to find out." Todd didn't even have control over what he was saying, for his mind was now screaming 'Why did I say that? Now he's going to ask! Damn it all!'

Johnny placed a hand on the restraint holding down Todd's head, "It's alright. You can tell me when you want to. We're almost to your doctor now…" Johnny looked out of the small window and saw the hospital around the corner. It was almost over. He could finally breathe again. The same may not be said for Pepito after all this is over….

"Johnny," Todd moaned, as if begging for the attention again. Johnny turned around humming a bit to acknowledge he heard his name. Todd, though his mind was protesting it, sighed, "I….. love….. you….Nny."


	6. Dont Leave

None of the characters are copyright to me. ALL BELONG TO JCV!!!!

OH! And "Awakening" official art located on my dA- link in profile

Say what?

Johnny sat alone in the hospital waiting room, drumming his fingers on his lap, 'What the hell did he mean by that?' It had been a half hour of him sitting there with Pepito. If it weren't for the receptionist watching them, scared of the demon and the killer sitting before her, Johnny would have leapt at Pepito by now. But he just kept thinking of those three little words Todd had mumbled before they got here.

A nurse dressed in white came out to the waiting room, and looked at the two men, "Visitors are allowed in to see Mr. Casil now. One at a time, though. We don't want to send him in shock again. Which of you is going in first?"

Johnny looked at Pepito, who smiled. "You can go in first, Johnny. He wants to see you, most likely." Pepito rung his hands, knowing Johnny must have caught on by now. Johnny stood up, hesitantly, and followed the woman, casting looks back every so often to keep an eye on Pepito until he was out of sight. 'I'll never trust that kid.'

Room 779. What a coincidence.

The room was a pale blue, and a man was now leaving with a smile on his face. He stopped before Johnny, "He's alright now. He hadn't taken his medication in a week, so this was bound to happen. He'll be ready to go home in an hour." Johnny smiled weakly and stepped further into the room. Todd was sitting on the paper covered bed, swinging his legs to and fro, humming "Note to Self" by From First To Last, scanning the various posters the room was decked in. Johnny took another step forward.

"Hi, Nny," Todd smiled, still looking at the poster.

"You feeling better, Squee?" Johnny asked, still hesitant, still freaking out over those three little words.

"Mmmyep!" Todd laughed, "But once I get out of here, I'm gonna kill Pepito."

Johnny snickered, "That makes two of us."

An awkward silence fell over the room. Johnny pulled up a swivel chair beside Todd, and watched patiently as the boy glanced over the room. "You hate me now, don't you, Johnny?" Todd asked, trying not to look at his neighbor.

"I don't hate you, Squee," Johnny sighed, looking at his feet.

"Well you should. I'm sorry I said…"

"Don't be sorry. It's how you feel. I guess…" Johnny mumbled, trying to make the boy feel better, "How long?"

Todd stopped swinging his feet and looked at Johnny. He scratched the back of his head, "Not quite sure. I think it all started the week before you left. Last week just sealed the deal, what with my mom and all."

'8 years,' Johnny thought, 'This kid isn't just saying it to say it. He means it.' He fidgeted in his chair, which Todd picked up on.

"Once again, I'm sorry. I must have _really_ freaked you out," Todd chuckled at the thought, "If you're not comfortable about it, I'll never bring it up again." He looked at his feet, "Its just, I never thought I'd be able to say it. After you left, I was certain… Shmee was certain you'd never come back home. I kept trying to deny it." Todd's eyes began to well, "Every day I'd tell him you were stuck in traffic. That you'd be home soon. Every day." He wiped his eyes, just thinking about it.

Johnny stood up, knowing he had to comfort his neighbor. The kid had just gone through such anguish before, and he shouldn't have to go through more. He extended a hand onto Todd's shoulder, only to have the teen latch his skinny little arms around Nny's waist. "Don't leave me like that again, Nny. Please."

Johnny smirked, remembering that things were going to change for the better. For both of them. Todd had brought him something special. Realization. Caring. "I promise." For once in his life, Johnny didn't flinch as the teen squeezed him tighter.

"I love you so much, Nny," Todd sobbed, resting his cheek against Johnny's stomach, tears splattering his neighbor's shirt. T'was a sad sight.

Johnny wasn't as shocked now that he understood, but was still a tad uncomfortable in knowing that the little boy he looked after all these years was gay. Not only that the 17-year-old Todd was gay, but also that the boy had a crush on him, Johnny, the homicidal 'scary neighbor man'. But, now was not the time to hurt the kid's feelings.

"I know, Squee. I know."

_I don't ask for much. Truth be told, I'll settle for a life less frightening. –_Rise Against

---

REVIEWS PLEASE!


	7. Just A Moment

None of the characters are copyright to me. ALL BELONG TO JCV!!!!

OH! And "Awakening" official art located on my dA- link in profile

From Experience?

Word spread around Leftborough High about Todd's seizure. None of his peers knew before that he was Epileptic, so almost every kid was a tad kinder to the art freak they once avoided. But, to Todd's advantage, no one found out he was gay.

The one thing that scared him most about how kind the student body was, one of the cheerleaders opened the art room door for him. They were the worst of them all when it came to treating him like dirt, but because of some stupid medical malfunction, they did a 180 and became the nicest kids in school. Most kids would strive for this treatment. Todd hated it. He hated everyone for being so nice to him because of one event. It was…weird.

"Todd! So sorry to hear about your accident," Mr. Lamburg, his art teacher, sighed, "But I bet your sick of hearing that. Can't wait to see your new work after class."

"Whatever," Todd sighed, getting out his paints and walking to his corner stool. He liked working in the back, where no one could bother him… except, that is, for Keef.

"Heya Todd! Whatcha drawing today?" he squealed, smiling at our hero. Todd rolled his eyes, not wanting to be rude today. He just wasn't in the mood to be very social.

'Maybe if they see what exactly happened when I had the seizure, they might drop it,' Todd thought, smirking, 'like Pepito, and Nny, and the restraints. That'll shut them up'

Todd hummed merrily, setting up three canvases for the day. Usually he did about four a class, but today there was a reason. Todd wanted everything to go back to normal in school. At home. With Johnny. For some reason, Johnny avoided him that morning. Todd could understand why, but he didn't enjoy his best friend ignoring him like that.

When the bell run, Mr. Lamburg walked over to Todd's corner. Usually now, when the school day was over, they would talk about which canvases to sell, and Lamburg would spiel to Todd about the graphic images he painted. At least something stayed constant.

"What's this series?" Lamburg asked, intrigued by the first canvas, depicting a demon standing in the door of Todd's art room, Todd clutching his head.

Todd chuckled, "This is what happened to me yesterday. In art form."

"So what's going on in this first panel?" Lamburg asked, half afraid to make Todd retell his story, half interested in what the teen had to say.

"Well this first canvas depicts my friend Pepito, the antichrist, triggering my illness," Todd smiled, watching the reaction his teacher had at the antichrist being his friend, "The second shows the nurse putting me in the restraints in the ambulance. Those things could barely hold me, as you can see. The final canvas is my friend Johnny and I. He was there for me." Todd stepped back and smiled, looking at himself latched onto Johnny's waist.

"It's actually informative. It could show the world what kids like you have to go through. We must sell it!" Lamburg smiled, patting Todd's back, "I actually like it when you do art from personal experiences. Do some more. It's rather nice."

'Personal experience, eh?' Todd chuckled to himself.

----

That night, Todd sat in his art studio, staring out the window, trying to think of something to paint. When it hit him. 'Paint from experience.' He began the lineart of the dark house next door, with a small light shining from the living room as if a TV was on. Then a window surrounded it, followed by a canvas with a lineart of the house on it, and a hand.

Todd's hand.

He snickered and colored it in daintily, adding in a small bleeding heart on the canvas. When it was done, it was his finest work he ever laid eyes on. "Nice job, Casil," he laughed to himself, "Now do you want to sell this, or keep it."

The stereo switched songs. Todd at first paid no mind, but then noticed the lyrics speaking to him. Ever since Shmee had been permanently silenced, music seemed to have taken his place.

_To you it was just a moment. But I took that moment home; drag it out when I'm alone._

_Without you. I keep it in my dreams. It keeps me company…_

Visions of the night before. Such a sentimental moment. It pulled slightly at Todd's heartstrings. He didn't flinch. He didn't seem disgusted. He seemed accepting.

_I pray for you to speak to me, and tell me it was more than just a moment to you. _

Todd tried to cover his ears, but the words broke through his hands, delivering a melodic message as sharp as a razor yet poetic as a songbird into the depths of his soul.

----

A small knock resounded on Johnny's door, waking the man from his sleep on the couch.

---

_Why can't we speak for just a moment? -_ IKE


	8. Artist Mind

None of the characters are copyright to me. ALL BELONG TO JCV!!!!

OH! And "Awakening" official art located on my dA- link in profile

Rain On Me

Johnny first looked out the front window. It was pouring down rain. Anyone in his or her right mind would not be standing outside during this, nonetheless on his doorstep. Johnny turned off the TV and braced for another victim to add to his collection.

But, on the other side of the door, something shocked Nny.

"Squeegee! What the fuck are you doing out there in the rain! You should be home right now!" Johnny yelled, pointing to 779. Todd just stood there, tears in his eyes, holding a rather large plastic bag, protecting its contents from the rain. However, the teen was drenched, so Johnny ushered the silent one inside.

"Why did you come here?" Johnny asked, once Todd was in some fresh clothes borrowed from the man. The boy sat silent on the other end of the sofa, gripping the top of his plastic bag. He seemed at a struggle with himself, not quite sure why he was their either.

"This…" he stuttered, "Is…f-f-for…you." He handed the bag over to the man, "My teacher said to paint from experience, and I only do one thing every day." Johnny slowly opened the bag and took a look at the canvas. His eyes practically popped out of their sockets. The brushstrokes were amazing, and sadly he got the message.

"You…you do this how often, now?" Johnny asked.

"Every night…It's all I ever do," Todd sighed, hands in his lap. He lowered his head, and took in a deep breath. Johnny put the art aside, and stood up. "What are you doing?"

"I have a surprise for you," Johnny sighed, taking Todd's hand to help him up. Todd just kept that grip and followed the man into one of the lower levels of the house. As the door opened, Todd's jaw almost dropped to the floor. Paintings hung on the walls, canvases were on easels, and paints were stacked in the corner. Dust covered them all.

"I used to paint, just like you. Its actually something I wanted to take back up, but every time I do, I just can't," Johnny sighed, "Something stops me."

"Your work… it's… breathtaking! I'll never be this good!!" He sighed, looking at the art as if it was a Picasso or a DaVinci, "Thanks for showing me."

"Well," Johnny thought, wringing his hands, "If you need pointers, I'm here to help."

Todd got an idea, "Maybe I can move my supplies down here and we can work together! I can get help from you, and you can start painting again! I'll be here to help you start off!" He squealed like a little girl, "It would be so much fun."

Johnny felt uncomfortable with the idea of the boy in his house often, "Urm, I dunno Squeegee. How often would you stop by? Every day?"

"Exactly," Todd smiled. He sensed Johnny might say no, "Please, Nny." He pouted his lips and swelled his eyes into a face like that of a puppy's. He got on his knees and grabbed onto Johnny's coat for extra fun. 'Don't laugh, Squee. Don't laugh.'

"Alright, alright, just get off my coat," Johnny laughed. That seizure incident did change him. Johnny was… happy. Todd smiled and wrapped his arms around Johnny's legs. His touch actually felt warm to Johnny, and he didn't understand.

Todd unleashed the man and stood up, "I'll bring my stuff over tomorrow after school. Thanks so much, Nny. This means a lot." Johnny smiled and mumbled a 'welcome.'

----

After Squee had run up the stairs and left the house, Johnny sat in his art room. He was alone, on the middle of the floor, staring at the door.

'_What's going on here, Nny.'_

"Meat? Where have you been for the past four days?" Johnny snapped.

'_Watching you and that boy next door. Todd Casil. Nice kid. He has his mind straight. Why don't you?'_

"It's all his fault! You heard everything. You understand. I don't know what to think right now. I have no fucking clue!" Johnny wept, rubbing his eyes, "I've never felt this… lost before."

'_Casil only means well Johnny.'_

"When did you start being so nice and shit?" Johnny snapped, "You used to tell me that I was worth nothing. Fool me into something short of suicide."

The voice became silent again. Johnny couldn't understand it. "Meat?" He looked around, "Where in hell did you go?"

All of a sudden, a voice so familiar yet so distant reached the inner part of Johnny's soul.

'_Follow your heart, Nny._'

"Nailbunny?"

----

_Note to self, I miss you terribly_. – From First To Last

----

REVIEW AND RATE PLEASE!


	9. Nnys Only Enemy

None of the characters are copyright to me. ALL BELONG TO JCV!!!!

OH! And "Awakening" official art located on my dA- link in profile

Follow Your Heart

Light began to flow to Johnny's eyes. "Nailbunny? Where have you been?"

_I never left you Johnny. You just stopped listening._

Johnny got up off the floor, "Nailbunny what the fuck is wrong with me? I feel…. Sick. Lost puppy out in the cold sick."

_Just follow your heart, Johnny. It knows what to do._

"What heart?" Johnny sighed, "I think I'm going to take a drive."

_I'll come with you._

"Thanks," Johnny mumbled, grabbing a coat. The drive was long and silent, Johnny alone with his thoughts, but he tried not to think, just listening to the static coming out of his car speakers. "Where am I going?" Johnny sighed, looking out at the foggy night road. It didn't look too familiar, but he had been there before.

He just kept driving.

Trying to escape.

Five minutes later, Johnny was in some sort of parking lot. A pier was in view, so he slammed on the breaks, knowing water wasn't much further. Johnny got out of the car and sat down on the wood planks, the rain pouring on him as well as the floating severed head beside him. "Where the fuck am I, Nailbunny?"

_Somewhere you missed._

Johnny looked out and saw the lake. This was the place he usually would go when he was little and ran away from home. After the divorce, life was pretty brutal. It sadly reminded him of what was going on. Everything about Todd's life reflected in Johnny's. Johnny thought, looking in the water, 'Why did I choose this life?'

Johnny felt a little cold from the rain, and saw his bunny friend was rather quiet. "What's going to happen now, Nailbunny?"

_Shh. Johnny can't you hear it?_

"Hear what? It's cold as hell and quiet out here. What is there to hear?" Johnny asked.

_Just be quiet and listen. It knows everything._

"You're fucking confusing, bunny," Johnny sighed, slumping over and looking at his reflection in the blurry water, raindrops occasionally distorting the view.

"_Johnny, you've been acting out a lot lately. We think you might need to get some help."_

"_What are you trying to say, Dad? I'm crazy?"_

"_No, you've just been on edge a lot, and I understand the divorce hit you pretty hard…"_

"_I'm not crazy! I'm not on drugs! I'm just a teenager. Can't I be normal?"_

"_Johnny, please."_

"Dad…" Johnny sighed, looking at his feet.

"_Every night my father beats me to a pulp, but I wait for you to show up and make things better for me. I've learned your lessons. I've bided time while you were gone. I wait!"_

"_I..I.. miss you. Me."_

"Todd…" Johnny started to cry, "They were just trying to help… They were only…" He held his head in his hands, the rain pouring even harder on him now.

_It's called love._

------

Todd was sitting alone in his room, watching TV. He saw Johnny's car leave the house an hour ago. He was getting pretty anxious. Nervous. Worried.

'Where in hell could he be? I hope he's okay.' It was 10:00 PM. The next day he had off of school for a professional development day, so he was determined to stay awake until Johnny returned home.

10:30…

11:00…

At 11:30, Todd caved in. "I have to go find him" he sighed, getting up off the sofa and turning of the TV. He grabbed a coat and his keys, opening the door. But he stopped dead in his tracks. A wet, black lump was sitting on his doorstep.

-----

"_All I wanted was a Pepsi…_"- Suicidal Tendencies


	10. Forgive Me

None of the characters are copyright to me. ALL BELONG TO JCV!!!!

OH! And "Awakening" official art located on my dA- link in profile

Comforting the Uncomfortable

Beginning:

"The hell? Nny? Is that you?" Todd squealed, concerned. The man turned around, and it appeared as if he were crying. "Shit, get in here before you catch a cold!"

Johnny didn't move, so Todd practically drug the man into the house. Johnny was too afraid to speak, or think at the matter, so he was unofficially a pile of dead wood. Todd brought him new clothes so he could change out of the wet ones he had on, and as soon as he felt a little fresher, Johnny's life came back to him.

Todd brought Johnny a blanket and a warm glass of milk, sitting beside him on the sofa. "What in God's name were you doing out there? It's horrid weather!"

"I'm sorry, Todd," Johnny sighed, starting to cry again, "I never meant it. I swear. I don't know what's been going on these days. I'm…I'm sorry."

Todd was shocked at this sudden outburst from the once emotionless homicidal maniac, so all he could think of was to calm him down. He realized the best way to calm someone down was to not think. Just do whatever they needed without holding back. So he reached over to wipe Johnny's tears from his cheeks, looking into the man's watering eyes. "It's okay, Johnny. It's going to be okay," he kept repeating.

Johnny kept trembling. Todd was getting scared. 'I've never seen this side of Johnny before. Did I do something right for once?' He smiled warmly, "It's going to be fine."

Johnny choked on his whispered words, "He was just trying to help. I…I…"

Todd sighed, "Johnny, you're alive. Be happy about it. Everything's going to be fine. Tomorrow will be a brighter day. You have a life to live."

"Those people… I took theirs away… I should have listened. He was trying to help me," Johnny choked, shaking. 'Why is he being so nice to me still. I'm a monster.'

_I told you, Nny. It's called love._

Johnny was shaking worse now at the thought of it. 'I'm incapable of love. What should I do, Nailbunny? I don't want to hurt him.' Todd could tell what was going on.

"Johnny, I know you're afraid, and me being… me, doesn't really help, but I'm always here for you," Todd smiled, wiping the last tear away. Johnny pressed his face into Todd's cupped hand; enjoying the warmth against his cold, pale skin. It was so different. It wasn't evil like he led himself to believe all these years. It was…. Nice.

Todd couldn't control his mind. Such a simple touch drove him completely wild. 'Please God. If you really love me, you'd make this moment never end. Please.'

_I think Johnny's starting to warm up, Todd._

'Who the fuck are you?' Todd gasped, leading Nny to believe Todd hated the touch, making him withdraw from the hand. Todd looked down at the man, and his eyes turned upset. Johnny got even more scared.

_I'm Johnny's pet rabbit, Nailbunny. Sort of a conscience._

'Then why in hell am I hearing you?' Todd asked, looking at Johnny.

'I thought he liked me,' Johnny moaned in his mind, looking at Todd, 'Why'd he act like that?'

_He still likes you, Nny. I scared him, accidentally._

'Why in hell would you do that?' Johnny asked, showing Todd a weak smile on the outside. Todd smiled back, and understood what was going on. Johnny was hearing the rabbit too. Todd quickly leaned over and planted a kiss on Johnny's cheek. Shortly after, he turned blood red and scooted to the other end of the couch, turning on the TV.

Johnny sat there holding his cheek; shocked slightly that Todd had the guts to do that.

'Holy shit, I did it! SQUEEEE!' Todd smiled, mentally jumping in glee, while really just sitting watching a rerun of Conan O'Brien pop up on the screen.

Johnny got readjusted in his seat and settled his eyes on the screen.

Suddenly, there was a flash of lightning, and the electricity cut out.

Todd screamed.

------

"_I feel so alone. Gonna end up a big ol' pile of them bones…"_ – Alice In Chains


	11. Biggest Mistake

Once again, these characters belong to the Lord and Master…

No, not Foamy….. JHONEN!

I'm just terribly warping his amazingly fantabulous characters and such, so don't throw your happy knives at me, please.

Chapter 11: Everlong

"Todd, you alright?" Johnny gasped, fumbling around his pockets for that damned lighter of his. No, he didn't smoke. He just liked to set things, like hair, on fire with it.

Todd blinked rapidly, trying to activate whatever nightvision God had blessed him with, but he found no avail. So he fumbled around, trying to figure out which was what, and ended up landing on his back on something lumpy. It took him a while to figure it out, but he was now lying across Johnny's lap, and Todd smiled to himself. 'I guess I'll stay here for right now.' He snickered, and propped himself up and blinked for nightvision again. This time he could see the faint outline of Johnny's head, and he chuckled.

A flicker.

A small orange flame arose from the lighter, Nny slid his finger a little further from the flame, careful not to burn himself, but found himself staring at the light. It twisted and turned, flashing on and off in its sides, like an angel twisting in the sunlight. His eyes began to relax upon the warm sight, but when he looked down, Todd was in his face.

'Squee!!!'

'What the fuck?!?'

Todd smiled as his lips gently brushed against his idol's, but only for a split second, as Nny drew back hastily and shifted in his seat, sliding Todd backwards off of his lap onto the couch beside him.

"What the hell was that for?!?" Johnny snapped, his eyes shooting daggers at the teen beside him.

Todd gasped from fear, and looked down at his lap. 'You've blown it, Casil. The cheek was good enough for the night. Why'd you do it?'

"You scared me shitless," Johnny snapped, still in shock, "Don't ever do that again!" He didn't quite notice how he was hurting the boy.

Todd felt a tear building up in his eye, "I'm sorry Nny. I'll just leave you alone until you go home." He got up and began to walk to the stairs, trying to get to his room. He shuffled his feet slowly, sniffling rather loudly, yet not on purpose. He rubbed the back of his hand on his eye and sighed. 'You blew it, Casil.'

_Todd? You okay?_

For a second, he thought it was that bunny that Johnny usually talked to. But when he reached the bottom step, there was a hand on his shoulder. But Todd didn't care. It was just Johnny. He probably was going to wig out on the teen again, so Todd just shrugged it off and went up to his room.

Todd slowly lowered himself onto his bed, curling up in a ball.

"You were right, Shmee. Nothing good comes from this."

He looked over at his painting of Johnny, and closed his watering eyes, "Nothing." He reached for paper and a pencil and began to scrawl something out along the lines of this:

_To whoever finds this,_

_I'm probably burning in hell right now._

_I guess it just wasn't enough. I tried so hard, and I screwed myself over. I'm a fucking waste and I don't want to suffer this anymore. If no one has bought the house yet, go ahead and have it, you goddamn motherfuckers with your amazing lives worth living, and fucking relationships that work._

_All I wanted was love._

_All I wanted…_

Todd's door opened with an ancient sounding creak, as light flooded the once pitch black room. A shadow then overlapped the light, dimming it a shade. Todd put down his letter on the table, one hand reaching for his drawer.

"What do you want?" he sighed, slowly looking up.


	12. Try

Once again, these characters belong to the Lord and Master…

No, not Foamy….. JHONEN!

I'm just terribly warping his amazingly fantabulous characters and such, so don't throw your happy knives at me, please.

Chapter 12: Spend Our Time Chasing Cars

"Todd…." Johnny sighed, outreaching a hand weakly as the teen turned away from it.

"You can't imagine…" Todd started, choking back his tears, "How it hurts me to talk to you right now."

Johnny stepped forward, "Todd please. It's just... old habits don't die easily… You probably don't understand." He sat down on the foot of Todd's bed, and watched the boy turn back to face him.

"No. _You_ don't understand. Try living your life as a lie! Imagine if the kids in school found out about this! That's why I don't have any fucking friends! I try to keep distant so I don't get hurt! Then imagine having killed your father… and having an obsession for the man that killed your mother," Todd yelled, choking even more on the relentless sobs, "You try living like that for a day and tell me I don't understand. Damnit!"

Johnny was taken aback from the comments just spoken. He never really thought of it that way. Squee had it harder then he ever imagined. Johnny felt a pale blush hit his face, and something was suddenly warming up his frozen heart.

_It's called love…_

"Squee," Johnny sighed, realizing that nailbunny was right all along.

But, Todd cut him off, "Johnny, I'm sorry for yelling at you. I'm so stupid." He flung his arms around Johnny's lap and cried into his shirt, "It's just so hard… So hard…."

Johnny sighed, and looked down at Todd. "It's okay. It'll be okay…" Johnny smiled, a tear forming in his eye. A tear. This 17-year-old figure had unlocked those emotions he tried to rid himself of all these years. He stroked one of his hands over Todd's hair, placing his other arm around the boy, who shook uncontrollably due to the constant crying.

"It's alright, Squeegee. I'm here… I love you."

Todd picked up his head, "You're just saying that. You don't mean it." He shook his head, looking into the man's eyes.

Johnny smiled warmly, however, "I'm going to give it a try."

"What?" Todd squealed, sitting up, breaking free from Johnny's embrace, even though he didn't truly want to. It was just reflexes.

"I said," Johnny trailed, watching his neighbor, "If it means this much to you… I'll give it a chance."

Todd smiled, pouncing at his crush, wrapping his arms around the man's neck. He warmly whispered into his love's ear, "Thank you so much, Nny. This is everything to me!"

------

An hour later, they lay down, looking at the ceiling. Johnny's arms were folded behind his head, propping it up a bit to look out the window at the bright stars. Todd was asleep, curled up beside him, an arm over Johnny's torso. His mop of hair covered his eyes, and fluttered a bit with each inhale and exhale. Johnny glanced at him and smiled.

'So this is what joy feels like, huh nailbunny?'

-----

_If I lay here. If I just lay here,  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world.  
Forget what we're told before we get too old.  
Show me a garden that's bursting into life.  
All that I am. All that I ever was,  
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see.  
I don't know where, confused about how as well.  
Just know that these things will never change for us at all. – Snow Patrol._


	13. Dark Savior

Once again, these characters belong to the Lord and Master…

No, not Foamy….. JHONEN!

I'm just terribly warping his amazingly fantabulous characters and such, so don't throw your happy knives at me, please.

Chapter 13- Safe Haven

Todd felt that this day gave new meaning to the phrase 'Thank God it's Friday'. Why? This Friday was **murder**. Classes went by extra slowly, and the torture was double strong from those imbeciles that attend school with him. Todd gripped the edge of his desk firmly in his last period for today, English, and watched the clock tick ever so slowly.

_10 minutes left…_

A spitball hit Todd in the back of the head. He turned slightly to see a boy pointing at him rather rudely and laughing. The teacher cleared her throat and the class settled to quiet again.

_7 minutes left…_

Todd could feel his knuckles turning white as they gripped the desk. He was anxious to get out of school and quickly. He had been going over Johnny's house every day after school now to paint, and it was even more enlightening because he felt something there that he obviously didn't feel in this institution. Love. To make the want to leave even worse was that Joey Anderson, the school bully, had been trying to get Todd all day, and would most likely be waiting for him outside the classroom once the bell rung.

_4 minutes left…_

Todd was sliding further onto the edge of his seat, practically sweating now. He pictured the horror waiting for him on the other side of the door. He had faced aliens, murderers, and Senor Diablo himself, but none of that was as horrifying as what could happen to him. Joey had been in jail two times this past year. He's just as brutal as Nny can be on a bad night. But Todd had nothing to fear with Nny, so his only fear….was Anderson.

_1 minute left._

Todd gripped his art supplies tight and slid his bag on his back, getting up out of his seat to stand near the door with the rest of his class. The bell pierced like tiny daggers through the calm room, and the students filed out, the door closing behind them. Todd waited a minute after the bell, and then opened the door rather sharply, only to hit Joey Anderson in the face with the door. Joey fell backwards and began to regain composure.

'Run Casil. Run for your life!' Todd thought, dashing from the scene. He flew past all the other students and jolted open the door, pushing kids aside by accident. Joey was only 5 feet behind him, knocking out stragglers in the hall, fuming.

"Get back here you emo little twig!" Joey screamed, knocking out some cheerleader.

Todd dashed down the streets, Joey following every turn he made. This kid was determined. Todd sped up, 'I'm a senior in high school, and I'm still the perfect target?'

Todd's only target was rising on the horizon. The 'heaven house' got closer with each bounding dash. Once on the doorstep of the house, Todd rung the bell, running in place, waiting for his savior to appear in the doorframe.

He looked back and saw Joey stop in his tracks before the house's sidewalk.

"Are you insane, Casil? Do you know what house that is?" He gasped. His knees began to shake a bit upon the sight of the house. Something must have happened to him that involved Johnny's house somehow that scared him.

"Yeah, of course I do," Todd nodded, turning back to look at the door, waiting for Johnny. Her rung the bell again, as Joey began to advance towards him. 'Come on, Nny!'

Johnny appeared in the door, "Hello?" He looked down at Todd, shaking in fear, and the boy coming up the sidewalk. Johnny's face hardened a bit, and with a gentle move, he ushered Todd inside. He stepped towards Joey, "You… What were you doing to Squee?"

Joey's legs shook almost enough to make him melt, "N.n.n..nothing."

"Liar," Johnny muttered, grabbing the boy by his wrist, "Don't ever lay a finger on Todd Casil unless you want to die.. Wait… Why give you a choice?" He drug the boy inside the house, him wailing like a baby, and into the bowels of the home. Todd followed closely, knowing this was going to be the end for Anderson.


	14. Battlefield

Once again, these characters belong to the Lord and Master…

No, not Foamy….. JHONEN!

THIS CHAPTER WAS INSPIRED BY A FANART BY IRKENVAMPYER777. LINK TO ARTWORK IN MY HOMEPAGE!!!!

Chapter 14: The Good Left Undone

Todd trailed after Johnny and the flailing Joey Anderson. "Mr. C, please! Don't hurt me! You're my idol!" Joey wailed, thrashing in Johnny's tight grip. They reached a small wooden door, and Johnny kicked it open. Todd looked at the man's face. His eyes burned with fire as if it were burning from the inner depths of his soul.

Johnny threw the boy into a chair and tied him to it. He pushed the chair back against the wall, and drew a knife from the wall. He put his one foot up on the edge of the chair and swaggered the knife to about three inches from the teenager's nose. Todd was at a loss of words, his heart leaping in his stomach.

"I said… what were you doing to Squee?" Johnny repeated, teasing the knife closer.

Joey squirmed, "He knocked me over with a door. I was just getting even." Johnny lowered his brow and teased the knife again. Then, he stood, removing his foot from the chair. He kept the boy tied tight enough for what little breath he could get, and walked towards Todd, poking the end of his left pointer finger with the sharp point of the knife.

"I'm sorry you have to witness this, Todd," Johnny sighed, running a finger down the boy's cheek. It was ice cold, a clue that Johnny wasn't entirely in his right mind. He always got like this when facing another kill.

Todd smiled warmly, "Do what you must." Johnny turned away and headed back to Joey, who squirmed even more, gasping for air.

"Mr. C. Please… Why are you protecting Casil? You never told me why," he begged.

"Squee has been my neighbor for all his life. He's had worse off a life than you possibly could wrap your brain around, you fat fuck. Both of us have. You want to be like me, well, you just can't," Johnny snickered, pointing the knife at Joey once again, "You don't want to, to be completely honest. To have to deal with you pathetic wastes of flesh every day, it's hell. The only person that I can deal with is Squee. He's different." Johnny looked back at Todd, who was blushing red like a cherry.

'You tell him, Nny,' Todd thought, smiling wider than he ever thought possible. He covered it up with his extra large red sleeves, and giggled to himself. How desperate he was to join in, but he kept back, because Johnny wouldn't allow it.

Yet, Johnny just cut off the boy's left hand (he was a righty anyway, so he can still survive), and let him go with a warning. This was rather odd, so Todd wanted to find out why.

Todd walked over and sat down on the now empty, wooden chair, "Amazing restraint, Nny. Why didn't you go through with it?"

'He probably wouldn't understand. I don't, really,' Johnny thought, biting his lip, 'Oh God he's making that face! Dodge it! Drop the subject!' Johnny twitched, "How about we go up and paint, Todd. Enough talk about this for the day."

"But I want to know," Todd teased, puling Johnny to him by his hand, "Please."

"Todd," Johnny laughed, pulling the boy out of the chair, "Let's go upstairs, okay? Don't make me do anything drastic."

"Like what?" Todd toyed, pulling slightly at his love's arm once again.

"Squeegee," Johnny teased, backing the teen against the wall, "Please drop it."

"Johnny…." Todd begged, "I'll go upstairs with you if you give me an answer. Now."

Johnny knew Todd wouldn't listen to him like this, but he didn't want to give away anything about his reasoning, so he decided to do the one thing he _knew_ would get Todd to drop the subject. He slacked his arms, which pinned the boy to the wall, and inched closer to the quivering body.

"Johnny?" Todd gasped, as the man nuzzled his head in the teen's neck, 'Since when was he like this… oh wait. It's my fault. Heh.'

"What, Squeegee?" Johnny asked, drawing Todd's hair back with his hand, and looking at the boy's blushing face. Todd was basically melting under such treatment. 'Now I know his weakness,' Johnny snickered to himself, 'Oh what fun…'

"Are you ever going to answer me?" Todd asked, trying to keep himself from showing his emotions. This situation was driving him mad, but he knew that he had to stand his ground.

"Nope," Johnny chuckled, nibbling a bit at Todd's ear. Todd was about to cave, but he wanted so badly to win, so he tried to peel Johnny off, but the man persisted. Johnny moved down to Todd's shoulder, and took a bit down, piercing the flesh. He was going to irk every nerve in the teen's body until he gave up.

Todd moaned at the feel of Johnny, but didn't want to lose this fight. He peeled Johnny off slowly, and a bit saddened, pulled up the shoulder of his shirt, "Then I'll see you tomorrow?" He went for the door, but before he turned the knob, looked back deviously at his love.

"Alright, alright. You win."

----

_You smile while you're twisting the knife in my stomach until everything is gone – _(+44)


	15. The promise

Once again, these characters belong to the Lord and Master…

No, not Foamy….. JHONEN!

Chapter 15:

About 2:30 AM, Johnny and Todd were watching TV, comfortably, forgetting about their little 'lovers spat', if you could even call it that. Todd was lying on his side, with his head on Johnny's lap, watching the pictures on the TV change as Nny channel surfed. While one hand held the remote, Johnny was playing with Todd's hair with the other.

All was quite peaceful, that is, until Todd's stomach rumbled.

"Nny," he whined, holding his stomach with one hand, "I desire brainfreezy. You want one?"

Johnny nodded, and smiled, "When don't I, Squee? Just let me grab my keys…."

"We can walk," Todd interrupting Nny, "The 24-7 is right down the street, and it's such a nice evening." He got up off the sofa and extended his hand to help his love up off the sofa.

Johnny could care less how he got there; he just wanted a cherry brainfreezy. If they didn't have that flavor, that would be one unlucky clerk. They shuffled along the quiet street, when the air began to chill around them. Todd grabbed Johnny's hand and clinged to him, hoping to catch extra body head by huddling close. But it did not help much. Once they got to the convenience store, the clerk recognized exactly who they were.

"Oh shit," he murmured, leaping to turn the brainfreezy machine back on. Rumors of what had happened to past clerks over that machine had scared every employee to this term of reasoning.

"Good evening sirs," the man smiled, watching the two enter, and smiling. Todd waved and smiled back, but Johnny had his eyes fixed on a red slush that made him smile all the wider. He ushered Todd to the back and rushed to get a drink, however, someone came up behind them and….

"Get out of the way, you fucking _queers_. I want my brainfreezy."

A very hefty teenager pushed Johnny and Todd away from the machine, practically knocking them on the floor, and winding Todd. The teen was a little overweight, wearing a gray hoodie and baggy jeans practically falling off of his ass. His blonde hair was raggedy, and he toted a football with him. Johnny sneered, "What did you say."

"You heard me, you fairies. I was here first," the boy snarled, grabbing a cup and then looking down upon the duo. Johnny was about to say something, when Todd stood up.

"Shut the hell up, Garrison," Todd snapped, grabbing the teen's arm and jerking it around almost a full 360. The boy just whipped his arm, releasing himself from Todd's grasp.

"Make me, freak," he growled, putting down his cup.

Johnny saw Todd reaching for his pocket, "Todd, no! I told you not to be like me! Don't make the mistakes I've made."

Todd disregarded Nny's warnings, "Stand back, Nny. This might get a little violent." He drew a sharp knife from his coat, glistening in the reflection of fluorescent lighting. He snickered, looking at the sudden shocked reaction of his foe.

"You aren't seriously…" Garrison started, backing away in shock and slight fear.

"You should learn to keep your mouth shut!" Todd screamed, with a slight flick of the wrist. The knife dug deep into the teen's stomach, blood pouring out from the wound. Garrison let out a loud, sharp cry. Todd just kept twisting the blade inside the boy's organs, until Garrison's eyes finally rolled back.

He withdrew the knife and cleaned it with a napkin, snickering to himself, "Asshole." He stuck the blade back in his coat and grabbed the boy's arms, dragging him out the back way, and stopping by the restroom shortly after to wash his bloodstained hands. When he returned, Johnny was holding two cherry brainfreezies, still in complete shock that his boyfriend had done such a thing.

"Todd, why did you do that? I told you… I don't want you to turn out like me," Johnny cried, as Todd paid for the drinks and waved goodnight pleasantly to the clerk.

Once outside, Todd turned to Johnny and took the man's hands, "He insulted you and I, Nny. Knowing him, he could have hurt you. No one gets away with that. No one will ever hurt you while I'm around." Todd smiled warmly, "I love you."

----

_Let me slip away, I'm barely holding on. –_ (+44)


	16. Windowsill Manners

Once again, these characters belong to the Lord and Master…

No, not Foamy….. JHONEN!

Chapter 16: A Shadow Lullabye 

Todd sat cross-legged on his bed. 6:30 AM, and he still couldn't sleep. He kept feeling the warm trickling blood on his hands, even though he washed them a million times. The way Johnny looked after it was all said and done. That face. It replayed over and over in Todd's head. For once, he felt as if he made a difference.

A small little tap came from Todd's window, followed by the window opening. The soft air blew into the room, chilling it a bit. Todd's burgundy drapes blew softly, flicking like flames around the figure standing now inside the room.

"I knew you couldn't stay away," Todd chuckled, looking at his chipping black nails.

"Oh listen to you," Nny laughed, stepping into the room, "I've killed thousands of people before and never have been this cocky." He laughed and sat down at the foot of the bed.

"I know, don't rub it in," Todd laughed, a true smile lighting his face. He tried to think of a comeback, "You still suck at Guitar Hero!" Todd crossed his arms in victory.

"I thought we weren't going to bring that up again," Johnny laughed, shrugging it off. Todd smiled and looked down at his Jack and Sally throw pillow that lay beside his feet. He picked it up and tossed it at Johnny.

"It's nice to see you chill out every so often Johnny," he smiled, as Nny caught the pillow, "Back when I was little you were so uptight."

"Back when you were little I never thought I'd ever fall in love," Johnny smiled.

Todd smiled and drew closer to his boyfriend, "Then I grew up."

"No," Johnny smiled, "Then I experienced how lonely hell is…and so full of goddamn cheerleaders." Todd pouted. "And you grew up. Sheesh."

Todd drew a finger under Johnny's chin, "You know you love it." Johnny blushed. They were now so close that their noses were gently touching. Todd smiled, "Have I ever told you how fucking adorable you look when you blush?" He chuckled a bit, and then slowly drew his face closer to Johnny's even still, until they were enclosed in their first kiss.

Johnny was quite nervous, to be honest. He didn't quite know what to expect. The feeling of having someone have that type of contact with you is very strange and wrong at first, but then you deviously learn to enjoy it. He slowly closed his eyes, indulging himself to full extent. Todd seemed so…experienced, yet neither of them had real time on the field.

After a few precious moments, Todd drew back from his love, taking a quick nibble at Johnny's lower lip before moving any further away. Johnny just sat there, in a daze, as if the world was slowly crashing down around him. Todd couldn't help but laugh.

"You look like a deer in headlights, Nny," he laughed, rolling over onto his side and trying to muffle the sound with a pillow.

Johnny shook it off and whimpered, "Shut up." He looked at the time, "Heh, I'll see you tomorrow at Senor Diablo's spring party, right?"

"What?" Todd gasped. Why didn't anyone tell him he was invited to Satan's party?

"You mean Pepito hasn't called you yet?" Johnny asked, up off the bed and standing at the window. Todd shook his head. "Well, it'll only be fun if you come. You see, Ozzy can't make it, and I don't think Kurt Cobain would talk to me, so I'll be lonely."

Todd laughed, "No Ozzy? Man, Satan sucks. Don't worry, Nny. I'll probably get the call soon. When should I come over?"

"About noon. The party's at 2," Johnny sighed, halfway out the window. He really needs to learn how to use a door.

----

I'm not there all the time. You know some people, some people, some people call it insane. - System Of A Down


	17. El Diablo's Party

Once again, these characters belong to the Lord and Master…

No, not Foamy….. JHONEN!

Chapter 17: The Triple Play 

Standing on Senor Diablo's doorstep isn't exactly all that comforting. Actually, its rather hard to stand on such weak knees as your mind races in circles. Todd clutched onto Johnny's arm, which was also shaky, as Nny reached for the doorbell.

'How do they explain the chimney pouring out smoke during the summer?' Todd thought, shaking not only from nerves, but also from cold. On this winter's day… it would be nice to be near a fire. Just not a pit of hell… His mind wandered to why exactly he was there, 'Pepito said he didn't get a say on the invites….Why am I here?'

Johnny was thinking along the same lines, 'Satan and I aren't….on the best terms right now. Why'd he invite me?'

Pepito opened the door just in time- the two guys on the doorstep were about to fall over. They did, Todd ending up sprawled across Johnny's legs, Johnny's back on the sidewalk. This, of course, made the anti-christ laugh, "You two crack me up! Nervous, eh?"

Todd nodded. Nny shook his head.

"You're wondering why you were invited, no? Confused?" Pepito asked, as if reading their minds. Todd nodded once more. Johnny shook his head again and crossed his arms.

Pepito helped the two up and put his arms around the two, "Lets just say you two are Father's Golden Boys! A triple-play of doom! Homicidal, suicidal… and GAY!" Todd blushed insanely, and Johnny looked as if he was aiming for Pepito's heart.

He then shrugged Pepito's arm off and snarled, "Don't push it, fucking a."

Pepito dusted himself off, removing his arm from Todd's shoulder, "Well as you know, Ozzy couldn't make it. Father will be in to greet you soon. Make yourself at home." With that, he let out a sinister laugh, and pushed the door open even more.

Todd's eyes widened suddenly, beginning to shriek under his breath. "K….K….K…." was all he could get out. He was completely dumbstruck.

"What's wrong, Squeegee?" Johnny asked, putting his arm around his boyfriend. Todd just kept on jabbering until Johnny softly smacked him across the face.

"KURT COBAIN!" Todd screamed, pointing at the man on the couch, who was tuning a guitar. Johnny's face lit up. Before Todd came back into his life…back when he was homicidal- Nirvana was the only band that 'understood' how he felt. The only other time in his life he was afraid this much was the night Todd threatened suicide in front of him. This was pretty damn big.

"Go over and talk to him, crazy," Todd teased, running his fingers up Johnny's chest, "That's all you came here for."

"He won't want to talk to me," Johnny laughed, looking at Todd.

"Yes he will," Todd smiled, "Kurt's a pretty chill guy according to the –thousands- of biographies I've read on him. Just go up and say hi."

"Alright alright. I'll go," Johnny whimpered, looking at the couch.

Todd lightly kissed Johnny's cheek, "Go get 'em tiger."

-----

One hour later, they were all on the couch chatting away. "…heh, and that's the true story," Kurt laughed, plucking a note on the A string.

"So it wasn't suicide?" Todd gasped, eyes wide, showing off their fabulous green.

Kurt nodded. Johnny snarled, "I knew that bitch Courtney had something to do with it. I'm gonna… I'm gonna kill her!"

"Don't waste your time," Kurt smiled, "Other people deserve to die more than she does."

"True.." Johnny laughed, smiling along.

Then Pepito disrupted the party with another guest call, "FATHERRRRR! Courtney Love is trying to get into the party! She's not on your list!"

All the happiness and glow faded as fast as lightning from Kurt and Johnny's faces.

Todd gasped, "Kurt? …. Mr. Cobain? You okay?

----------

Come as you are, as you were, as I want you to be….


	18. Radium Eyes

Once again, these characters belong to the Lord and Master…

No, not Foamy….. JHONEN!

Chapter 18: Stop the World and Melt With You 

Courtney Love had now rudely shoved her way into the kitchen, leaving Johnny and Todd standing in awe. They didn't know exactly what to say.

"Mr. Cobain…" Todd kept repeating, clutching the bottom of his shirt. He turned around, only to see Kurt was no longer standing next to him. "Johnny…." Todd whined. For once in what seemed liked forever, he was afraid.

A gunshot was heard from the kitchen, sending out shockwaves of scream from each direction. People were flooding out the door, and Johnny and Todd were caught in the middle of the stampede.

"Johnny, we have to get out of here," Todd screamed, clutching onto his speechless love's arm. Johnny wouldn't budge. Todd was afraid that if he let go they would get separated, so instead he hugged Nny close and tried to keep them as still as possible as the clamor of people passed them by. Johnny, however, was unaware of anything. After hearing the gunshot, everything went black for him. But things soon came to focus as Todd latched onto him.

"Nny, please. We have to get out of here. Kurt's killed her, Nny. We have to leave," Todd cried, looking up at Johnny's stone cold face. Johnny looked down at the teen, and suddenly, he couldn't look away. Todd looked so innocent. So afraid.

'Those eyes….' Johnny thought, just staring lovingly at his boyfriend's scared face. He could see every shade of green, ever ounce of fear… Todd kept begging for him to move, but Johnny couldn't. He just wanted to stare in those eyes for a little while longer.

The room was almost empty a minute or so later. Todd and Johnny were standing in the middle of Satan's living room, caught up in a intimate kiss, which Nny had instigated. Todd felt as if time had frozen in an instant, forgetting what had just happened in the kitchen. They were really into it when they were interrupted by a very pissy Kurt Cobain.

"Get a room, fucking pansies," he mumbled, making Squee turn red, and Johnny as well.

"Come on Squeegee," Johnny stuttered, embarrassed, grabbing onto Todd's hand, "Let's go home." Todd took one look back at Kurt's bloody hands and then ran after Johnny.

----

That night, Johnny was staring at the ceiling, thinking about that 'frozen moment'. Todd lay beside him, sleeping from exhaustion. His breathing was soft and sweet, like a song to Johnny's ears, the sweet smell of lilac incense accompanying it.

'What was I thinking?' Johnny signed, pulling the covers up further, in hopes to comfort himself. 'Those eyes….' He looked over at Todd, fast asleep.

A small smile cracked across his face, 'Who cares anyway?' He looked out the window towards his own house, 'It's better than living in hell again.'

Todd rolled over onto his side, mumbling in his sleep. It was the most peaceful night both had ever experienced, after such a day of unrest. Johnny put an arm around Todd, looking at his face.

A sudden feeling pricked at his spine, but he shrugged it off, 'Killing can wait. This is worth it.'

-------

Day meets night in your eyes. You've got radium eyes. – count Zero

---

- a drawing of Todd's eyes…


	19. The Luckiest

Once again, these characters belong to the Lord and Master…

No, not Foamy….. JHONEN!

Chapter 19: Something Wonderful

Just looking at Todd sleeping peacefully beside him made Johnny think. Johnny usually hated thinking, which has good reasons. He had screwed up so many times in his past, and it had basically scarred him for life. But tonight, he actually remembered what he feared.

----

_Little Todd Casil was 13 years old at the time, going to be 14 in a week, back then. He was sitting peacefully on his bed, reading through a book Pepito had stolen for him from the Waldenbooks down the road. Todd laughed, skimming vampire novel, knowing that Pepito was off chasing skirts and Johnny was next door, as usual, killing._

_"You know what, Shmee," he smiled, looking beside him to a tattered bear, "If things stayed this way, I wouldn't mind."_

_Then there was a tap on the window, leading to Johnny stepping through the window. Todd reached for his drawer for the Bactine and band-aids, when Johnny stopped him._

_"Nothing's wrong, Todd," Johnny sighed, sitting on the windowsill. Something was definitely wrong. Johnny never called Todd by his real name, and the look in Johnny's eyes made it even less reassuring._

_"Nny…" Todd stuttered, still a small bit afraid of the man at the time, "What's…What's going on?"_

_"I'm here to say goodbye, Squee," Johnny smiled, sitting beside the boy, "I'm going on a little trip. No reason to worry though, I'll be back sooner than you can imagine."_

_'No!' Todd thought, wringing Shmee's arm in his hands, 'You're not supposed to leave! Things are supposed to stay the same. You're supposed to be with me forever!'_

_Johnny could sense something in Todd's eyes, "Squee. I said don't worry. It's not permanent…I hope…"_

_Todd was on the verge of tears, so Johnny scooped him up on his lap, which was a first. He never was one for this type of display of affection, but Todd had been such a good neighbor. He felt some sort of connection to him, "It's okay, Squee. I'll be back soon."_

_"Don't leave, Nny. Don't leave…" Todd cried, hugging the man, "I'll be so lonely."_

_But Johnny did leave, and the face that Todd made through the window haunted him forever…_

----

Johnny sat straight up in bed, looking over at Todd. He was still resting peacefully. But Johnny was having trouble breathing. 'How could he forgive me for that? How? Why?'

But before he could think any more on the subject, Todd sat straight up in bed, panting, and looking over at Johnny. Tears welling in his eyes, Todd flung himself at Johnny, crying on the man's chest.

"I had the worst nightmare, Nny!" he sobbed, chocking back tears, "You left me again… You didn't even say goodbye!"

Johnny cradled Todd in his arms, "Don't worry Squee. It's alright. I'm here…"

"Don't leave me, Nny. Don't leave me…" Todd wept, gaining back a normal breathing pattern.

"I promise. I'll never leave you again."

----

_I don't get many things right the first time.  
In fact, I am told that a lot.  
Now I know all the wrong turns, and stumbles, and falls brought me here.  
And where was I before the day that I first saw your lovely face?  
Now I see it every day.  
And I know that I am the luckiest_.  
- Ben Folds


End file.
